It's about to get biblical...

“On An Ark”

Aww shit, get your believers ready it's about to get biblical (shorty, yeah)

Everybody in the place hit the fucking hay (shorty, yeah)

But stay on your motherfucking toes

We’re going two by two, let’s go

I'm on an ark (I'm on an ark)

I'm on an ark (I'm on an ark)

Everybody look at me 'cause I'm floatin’ on an ark (floatin’on an ark)

I'm on an ark (I'm on an ark)

I'm on an ark

Take a good hard look at the motherfucking ark (ark, yeah)

I'm on an ark motherfucker take a look at me

Straight flowing on an ark on the deep blue flood

Busting five knots, wind whipping out my robe

You can't stop me motherfucker cause I'm on an ark

Paint a picture, trick (trick)

I'm on an ark, sinner (sinner)

We drinking red wine,

Cause it's so crisp (crisp)

I got my swim robes

And my sandy-sandals

I'm flipping raw meat, you drownin’

Straight flipping dyin’

I'm riding on a whale, doing flips and shit

The whale's splashing, getting everybody all drenched

But this ain't Jonah, this is real as it gets

I'm on an ark, motherfucker, don't you ever forget

I'm on an ark and

It's going slow and

I got a biblical themed woven turban

I'm the only one left of the world

On a boat like Noah

If you're on the shore,then you're sure not me-oh

Get the fuck up, this ark is REAL!!!

Fuck land, I'm on an ark, motherfucker (motherfucker)

Fuck trees, I climb giraffes, motherfucker (motherfucker)

I'm on the deck with my disciples, motherfucker (yeah)

This elephant make noise, motherfucker

Hey ma, if you could see me now (see me now)

Arms spread wide on the starboard bow (starboard bow)

Gonna fly this boat to the dry land somehow (land somehow)

Like Adam and Eve, anything is possible

Yeah, never thought I'd be on an ark

It's a big blue watery flood (yeah)

Noah

Look at me, oh (all hands on deck)

Never thought I'd see the day

When a big ark coming my way

Believe me when I sayI fucked a manatee

I'm on an ark I'm on an ark

Everybody look at me 'cause I'm floatin’ on an ark (woaah)

I'm on an ark

I'm on an ark

Take a good hard look at the mothafuckin' ark (sha-sha-shorty, shorty, yeah)

Notre Dame...Grow a Pair...

The recent outcry about Obama giving Notre Dame's commencement speech is a shame in this day and age. Obama is the President of the United States and he is an inspirational figure. He has overcome a lot of adversity to rise to the top. His mom was a single mother and died young of cancer and his father went back to Africa and was killed in a car accident. Obama was basically raised by his maternal grandparents in Kansas and was born during a time where interracial relationships and the children produced were looked down upon. So big props to him reaching a place very few have or will ever reach with all the baggage he had to overcome.

So he gets invited to speak at Notre Dame's commencement ceremony. No biggie right...lots of presidents give commencement speeches and are basically begged by multiple campuses to come and speak. Not this time. No it's not because he is part African American, that would be racist and taboo. It's the fact he belongs to the Pro-Choice Democratic party and ran with that standpoint.

Normally this wouldn't be an issue and the focus would be on the purpose of the ceremony itself, the graduates receiving their diplomas and receiving an inspirational speech to lead them into the real world. But Notre Dame is a Catholic based university. So the fact Obama belongs to the Pro-Choice supporting party infuriated many students and their parents.

Last time I checked, this was a GRADUATION not a Pro-Choice rally. You may be Pro-Life and not agree with Obama on certain issues, but he is our president and we should at least show him some respect and allow him to make one of his moving speeches.

In the end, Obama gave a wonderful speech and quite a few protesters were arrested. No where in his speech did he say, "Oh totally have meaningless sex with someone random after a night of drinking and then go get some Plan B for breakfast."

Since when did abortion become a political issue? That's a very personal matter. That between a woman and her significant other, a teenager and her family, a woman and her doctor, etc. Many hard core Pro-Life supporters will never be in that situation and have no business calling the shots for others. Not everyone was given a choice in the matter. Sadly rapes and incest do happen, who are we to say that a girl/ woman doesn't have the right to make that decision for herself? Many people make poor decisions and that's sad, but it's a part of being human.

We already have many children in poverty, children in dangerous situations, and thousands of kids in foster homes. The fortunate ones are adopted or find loving foster families, but that's a low low percentage. I'm not saying that abortion is a solution to every problem, but the option should be open to those who find it to be the last resort. We were given the gift of free will. Not everyone is on the same spectrum when it comes to many issues, but don't turn your back on those who have no other options and are desperate for help.

You Can't Choose your Family!

I have taken up doing some family research. I've always been interested to learn more about the personal lives of my relatives. So far, I've dug up some interesting things...some of which had long been pushed away and forgotten.

My Great-Great-Great-Great Grandfather Seth Wick immigrated from Germany to Sweden and became a royal guard for either King Oscar (most likely because of dates, right) or his son King Charles. He held this position until he was accidentally shot in the hip. After the injury, he was given the game keeper (keeper of the estate) job at one of the king's hunting estates.

He eventually came to America to live with his son who had already come to America. Seth spent a lot of time at the hotel his son owned and became so disgusted with the lack of manners displayed by Americans that he returned to Sweden. So maybe that's why I'm really into manners? :P

And on a less enthusiastic note...I found out why my Great-Grandfather Milton refused to acknowledge our German heritage after he came home from World War II. Apparently, a very distant relative to our branch of the family was a decorated pilot in the Luftwaffe (German Air Force). Helmut Wick was the youngest pilot to rise in rank as quickly as he did and had the most air victories (56 total) in the early part of the war. He was presented with the Oak Leaves (highest military honor) and the Knight's Cross by Hitler himself for his victories. He was only 25 and was shot down in a firefight with a British pilot off the coast of England in 1940. His body was never recovered and the other pilot was also killed.

My Great-Grandfather was very upset about the fact that someone with our shared ancestory could have been involved on such a high level within the German cause. Milton had survived Normandy and the Battle of the Bulge and after witnessing the death and destruction did not want to have anything to do with Germany. He had seen first hand what Hilter and his followers had done to Europe and didn't want to remotely be a part of any of it. I don't blame him for banishing that part of our heritage, though distant...it was just to close for him.

We had always wondered why he had such a reaction, and apparently we found the reason why. I'm not sure if Helmut shared the ideals of the Nazi party or if he just followed his passion for flying. I really hope he was just and average guy with an interest in aircraft and had not bought into the ideas that later led to some of the greatest crimes ever committed.

I smell a blockbuster... Brit On A PLANE!!!!

A peaceful flight from Wichita to Jacksonville…

Until a terrorist Brit whips up some poisonous tea that leaves all passengers gasping for air and for more airline peanuts.

In comes Samuel L. Jackson with the one weapon that strikes fear in all blue blooded Brits…dental instruments!

“Get that mother-*&@$*&$% Brit off this mother-$%*&^#@ plane!”

We’re low budget…so it ended a lot like the BOSTON TEA PARTY!!! The End!

We Like Booze...

We like Booze
(inspired by “We Like Sportz” by Lonely Island)

Hello,

Hi, Do you wanna go to a party with me?

No, I’m drinkin’.

O, I almost forgot, I'll be right there.

We Like Booze and we don't care who knows,

From shooting beers, to the jello-shot.

We Like Booze and we don't care who knows,

Captain, Captain, Captain, Natty, Vodka, Schnapps.

The Pre-Game is startin, everyone is here,

I got my snacks, my friends and a beer.

Just two normal guys hangin out, having fun,

Right Guy number two?

Yea Guy number one.

"B" to the "E" to the "E" to the "R", Is all I drink 'cause I'm the man.

If my beer pong team loses I'll be mean all night

If you tell me to relax we'll get in a fight.

Playing games with girls is a pain, They don't know the rules, there's no time to explain.

Single, Double, Bounce out, Score

For the celebration I'll shoot my gun.

I Like my friend he's a real guys guy, He's not a loud mouth like that asshole John.

We Like Booze and we don't care who knows,

From Budweiser, to Boone’s Farm.

We Like Booze and we don't care who knows,

Captain, Captain, Captain, Natty, Vodka, Schnapps.

Now when I say booze, you say chug.

booze-chug, booze-chug

When I say puking, you say sucks.

puking-sucks, puking-sucks

I drink whisky because I like the taste,

You think it's bitter, but I think it's great.

I also drink whiskey and mix it with gin,

Don't believe me? Smell our farts.

We're real men, and we like booze,

If you say that we're not then we'll see you in the garage.

I'm beer pong team captain, and I choose you,

I'm the other team captain and I choose you, too.

We steal the ball, and we're off to the races, Then scare the other team with our mad dog faces.

Like:What, What, What, What, What, What, What, What, What, What, What, What.

We Like Booze and we don't care who knows,

From the pre-gaming jokes, to the throw-up show.

We Like Booze and we don't care who knows,

Captain, Captain, Captain, Natty, Vodka, Schnapps.

Throw me the cup,

Now toss me the beer,

Now feed me the shot,

Now give me the shot.

Oh No You Did-n't!!!!

A lot of my job is reading through a bunch of resumes....Here is an extract from one of them...Sadly, I've seen a lot worse.

Qualification:
Experience in electrical-mechanical package design
Experience in electrical mechanical hydraulic/pneumatic gear actuation systems
Experience in flight/pilot control mechanical design systems
Experience in tooling fixture to support assemblies and testing equipments
Experience in two & three dimensional cable wire harness installation design
Experience with various materials selection such as metals, plastics and other composites
Experience in the preparation of writing engineering design documentation reports
Experience with communicating with customers, vendors, manufacture personnel and program management in a effective manner to resolve design issues and cost saving

Knowledgeable of 3D Unigraphics NX4: Parametric modeling (10,000 hours)
Knowledgeable of Unigraphics Teamcenter principles and procedures.
Knowledgeable of 2 & 3D Catia V4 & V5: Parametric modeling (8,000 hours)
Knowledgeable of Catia V4 & V5 Product Data Management (PDM)
Knowledgeable of ASME Y14.5 1994 Geometric Dimensioning & Tolerance standards
Knowledgeable of ISO 9001 Standards and DOD-STD-1000

But really, do you know any words other than Experience and Knowledgeable???? I mean there are a ton of words you can use instead! Bad resumes make me mad. :P

I will take you and your Jesusmobile out!!!!!

Is it just me, or are people getting more self-centered and annoying by the moment?

So, the other day I was in the drive through lane at Starbucks like I usually am a few times a week. And here comes Lexus Lady...my arch-nemesis. Usually, I'm pretty level headed and way too polite...even when I'm right. But this lady makes my blood boil.

The reason is... she enters the drive through from the wrong direction. I didn't realize the Starbucks drive through could be baffling and maze-like, but apparently to some people it is.
To enter you have to drive AROUND the building, instead she enters from the side and ignores the curb guiding you in and the line of cars.

I've personally seen her do this twice recently... she most likely does this everyday. The last time, I couldn't do much of anything since she managed to wedge her dumb Lexus SUV in front of my car. I was so tempted to lay on the horn, so the cashier couldn't hear her. But I was nice and let her get away with getting in front of me.

So this time, when she tried her move again, I rolled my car forward to block any sort of tiny gap she could get into. It worked. I really wanted to roll down my window and say, "You are a 50 year old woman, over twice my age, you should know how a drive through works." But I didn't do it...and left without an altercation. It was hard... but blocking her was revenge enough for me.

But the real icing in the cake is the crucifix hanging from her rear view mirror and the two Christian radio bumper stickers on the back of her car. Yeah lady, your actions in everyday life are really Christian... good for you.

Being a good person is more than a Jesus bumpersticker. I don't care what religion you are or if you even choose to observe a religion, just being nice and trying to live a decent life is what you should be working towards everyday.

Snakes and Pagans!!!!

Happy St. Pat's everyone!

I do enjoy a good St. Patrick's day, but I find the origins a little strange. We basically celebrate a day for St. Patrick, who was born into a wealthy British family, for driving paganism out of Ireland. So instead of the snakes... he drove out pagans. Gee, thanks St. Pat!

Only recently did this holiday involve parades and getting drunk. In Ireland it was taken as an important religious holiday and all taverns were shut down for the day.

Here are some fun facts-

St. Patrick's Day marks the Roman Catholic feast day for Ireland's patron saint, who died in the 5th century. St. Patrick (Patricius in Latin) was not born in Ireland, but in Britain.

In the United States, it's customary to wear green on St. Patrick's Day. But in Ireland the color was long considered to be unlucky. (The real St. Pat's color is Blue)

Anyway, like most holidays... St. Pat's Day has an interesting past. Go out and have a good time and a few drinks!

"Slainté!"

(the Irish word, pronounced SLAN-cha, for "health.")

One Stapler Short of Office Space...

Sometimes I wonder how I am still employed. I do really good work and earn them lots of money, but I'm also a pain in the ass and love to be slightly inappropriate while at work. Here's a list of things I really have done in the office/ around co-workers...

1) Within the first couple of weeks of working at the office I was invited to watch my Boss' band perform at a local bar. I was so nervous and didn't realize how strong my cranberry vodkas were. So I end up getting wasted and hitting my husband in the arm over and over again in front of my co-workers. I eventually passed out in the back of my husband's car and threw up in the bushes outside of our house. I woke up the next morning on the couch and had no idea what happened last night. Now the office thinks I am abusive and can't handle my alcohol.

2) I draw funny pictures in paint and send them to everyone. Usually they are inside jokes and usually involve poking fun at someone. Or I'll find images on Google and make funny little captions.

3) When co-workers give me an opening I'll usually slip in something I find witty. Like Bill the other day ended a statement with "You can't make me do anything I don't want to do." I jumped in and said, "That's what she said." It cracked the Preident of the company up, he liked it.

4) We have an inside joke about the Pajama-Gram service that delivers men's and women's pajamas to your door. For fun, I randomly call co-workers using our paging system and yell "Pajama-Gram!" and hang up.

5) Just now, while finishing talking to the President of the company on speaker phone I went "GaaGaaaa!" like a big bird right before we hung up the intercom.

It seems like the more random stuff I do makes me more valuble to the company. But hey, it works for me. Haha.

Mommas don't let your daughters become Strippers...

I was looking through Cakewrecks...which I love and came across Playboy themed cakes for a 12 and 16 year old girl. Why the heck would parents throw Playboy themed parties for their daughters?

I do enjoy The Girls Next Door, not because I want to move in with Heff but because I find their antics humorous. But then again I'm 23 years old. What's that saying to a younger girl? Gee honey, if being smart doesn't work out you can always try out for Playboy and pose nude for a magazine that millions of middle age men whack off to. And if you don't make the cut, there's always the local stip club. Thanks?

I'm pretty free with most things...but come on. These girls are better than that...Try to motivate them to be more than a nice pair of boobs with a nice face. Like help them discover interests beyond what they look like. Would you want to see your daughter grinding a pole and have dollar bills thrown at her by creepy old men? I really don't think you would.

~ SJN

Any ideas...I'm out...

I still have a job, but for how long? It seems like my time is ticking down. Strangely, I'm pretty indifferent about it. Maybe because my current job isn't that meaningful and is by no way my dream job. Being an Account Manager for a consulting firm, is sadly not that interesting.

I would really like to find that one thing I love to do and want to make my career. I usually have a plan and know what I'm doing, but this time is different. I have a lot of passion for several different things and they don't seem to form into a career.

Anyone need someone to read to their cat or draw them funny pictures? I can easily do those things...

I asked my husband, the one person who should know me best. His response was... "Ummm, I don't know. You need to do something where you're the boss. You don't like listening to other people and you just end up being frustrated."

Thanks honey, so I'm anti-social and hate people?

I would love to own my own art gallery... sadly that requires more money than a 23 year old has...

Really, I just need Angelina Jolie to adopt me. Don't we all need that...ah...

So until some eccentric art gallery owner finds me and prepares me to take over the business...it looks like I'm stuck here....at my job or possibly soon to be lost job... :(

Suck it up AMERICA!

Dear Americans,

It seems like no matter what you watch or hear it's all negative about the economy, where we are headed, etc. I'd just like to remind everyone that it could be worse and it has been worse. Of course I'd like the economy to improve drastically and for America to dig itself out of the hole we have all had a hand in creating. Grab a shovel and start digging.Unlike many countries, we are fortunate to have a stable government. Though flawed, at least it's not a dictatorship. At least we don't have to live in fear of a mortar shell hitting our home or of being hanged for speaking against our leaders. And we don't have to worry about one ethnic or religious group being targeted and wiped out. We have free basic education available to us, whether or not you do anything with it is our choice. Yes college is very expensive, but it's not the only way to receive an education. There are apprenticeships, technical schools and ways to work up the ladder. Degrees are nice to have, but the people who hold them aren't always the brightest or the most successful. Sometimes all it takes is a sharp mind and common sense. America is a country full of ideas and promise. Why else to you think our families left their homelands and gave America a shot? And why do you think there are millions of people who want in and some who literally die trying to get here? We are very lucky to have won the lottery in terms of where we were born.Americans don't really have to worry about dying of cholera, malaria or dying due to contaminated water. We also have great doctors and hospitals. I don't agree with how the insurance system works, but at least we are better off. At least we aren't having surgeries conducted in someone's kitchen or in a tent. We need to take a closer look at how we use money and credit. We don't need giant Hummers; we will not be climbing a hillside in suburbia. Plus, the H3 and H2 couldn't do that anyway so it's about as useful as a Ford Escape. Just get a vehicle you can afford and meets your basic needs. Don't buy a house you cannot afford or will never be able to afford. Remember that people still live in one room mud huts; you do not need an 8 bedroom house with 10 bathrooms and a gilded bathtub. Stick within your means and learn to budget, that's all you need to know. Just remember what others have sacrificed for all of us. The founding fathers risked everything for us; if the revolution backfired they would have been hunted down and executed. If America hadn't stepped up in WWII and aided our allies our world would be a very different place. As Americans we might have made mistakes in the past and present, but at least we took a stand and stood for something and we have to accept the consequences and learn from our mistakes.NOTE- Before I get attacked for being straight up. I'd like to say my job revolves around employing people within the aerospace industry. I see desperation every single day and do my best to secure employment for Engineers and Manufacturing personel. I can tell you many people are relieved when they recieve a job offer. But I can also tell you there are still people out there that I work with who don't lift a finger and try to make things better for themselves. They expect others to do everything for them from writing a professional resume to telling them what's appropriate to wear to an interview.

~ SJN

Sitting, Waiting, Dying...

I have been meaning to do this for awhile. I finally broke down today and created a blog so I wouldn't break down crying from boredom at work. There's only so may funny e-mails you can send and so much time you can spend on facebook. I needed a new way to express myself... so here it is.

~SJN